People Pleasers

Have you ever been in a work meeting and there was always this one person who was overly excited about everything the boss stated? This person would raise their hand high to answer every single question, sometimes posing a question themselves, and just seemed to be extremely happy about missing their kid’s birthdays or other family gatherings because they were too busy pleasing the boss? I know a few of these people in and out of the workplace. I’ve seen students flirt with professors in order to get a good grade out of the class, despite the lack of knowledge they refused to obtain. Then there are women (or men) who dress provocatively to attract attention, the kind of attention that may do them more harm than good. And I’ve seen fellow members of the LGBT community do whatever they needed to do in order to be accepted in the environment of their choosing. Whether it was their home, in which they shared with their parents, or the workplace. I’ve seen people who were extremely unhappy, do whatever it took to please someone else, thinking that it would result in their own happiness.

FORMER PEOPLE PLEASER

What many may not know is that I was one of these people for many years. I had made a choice to jeopardize my own happiness for the sake of someone else. I must say that this was definitely a dumb choice, but hey, we live and learn. It was dumb because self-love and self-respect was not present. I thought that maybe, if I love others and showed respect for others, then they would respect. This was certainly not the case, and I must say that I’m an extremely fast learner. I didn’t flirt with the professor to get good grades, nor did I expose parts of my body to attract attention.

I was one of those who tried my best to conceal my sexuality, despite how dominant I may look at times, so that others would not vocally question it. I wanted to please people by constantly focusing on changing pronouns when I mentioned the person I was involved with at the time, and I made sure to put extra chapstick on my lips to give them a “girly” shine or wear a larger pair of earrings to keep all suspicions low. Another thing I remember doing was that I use to have this huge wall up and refused to be open with people because I didn’t want to displease them by revealing my sexuality. In the end, I ended up being the one that was displeased, lonely, depressed, and unhappy.

PREVENT BECOMING ONE OR BEING LURED BY ONE

One must beware of people pleasers, and try their best not to become one. You’re never really sure if the intentions of a people pleaser is pure. Are they really trying their best to be the best? Are they sincere? Or are they simply looking to gain something out of this experience without putting in the work? A people pleaser could have ulterior motives that could possibly harm you in the long wrong. Remember that movie “The Life of David Gale” with Kevin Spacey and the beautiful Kate Winslet? His student certainly had ulterior motives that hurt him and his loved ones in the end.

On the other hand, by avoiding becoming a people pleaser or being tempted by becoming one, a person can live their life to the fullest knowing that they are doing what they think has their best interest at heart. People are tempted to become people pleasers only because they think that pleasing people will grant them their wishes, when really you’re granting the other party’s wishes by being something you’re not. Think about it. For example, if I chose to pretend that I was in a heterosexual relationship, that would please everyone around me who thinks negatively about my sexuality. In fact, it would make them much more comfortable for me to lie about it, when I would feel miserable. If I’m miserably, would I really be as productive as they’d like for me to be or as I’d like to be? This is why self-love and self-respect is so important in our society because one can easily get caught up into pleasing everyone.

So, how does one avoid becoming a people pleaser? Put yourself first in every single situation. Be loved for who you really are, and not by the person that others believe you to be.

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” ~Bill Cosby

Do you have any experiences with people pleasers?  Were you a people pleaser at one point in your life?