A Woman’s Body Image

I’ve always wondered if a woman’s physique played a big role in our community like it does in the men.  It seems to me that body the body is everything with the guys.  I have a gay friend, whom I’ve been friends with since high school, and I swear he looks like a “Ricky Martin” model straight out of a GQ Magazine. Being around him and seeing the guys he typically hangs with, it’s easy to recognize that the man’s body is a big deal.  I mean, even at Pride Festivals, you see all these men walking around half naked, showing off their biceps and six-packs. It’s like a major meat market!!!

Now, I’ve been trying to get my body on point for a LONG time.  After making through some serious life changing events, I’ve been extremely health conscience and have made the gym my best friend. When I’m stressed out, the gym has been there for me.  When I feel like eating a whole cake and a couple cookies because my wife made me made, the gym has been there. When I didn’t get the job I’ve been applying to for years, the gym let me lay my head on its shoulders.  Now, my reason to get into physical shape has nothing to do with getting the attention of the ladies. I get that regardless (I know, I can be cocky at times-great self-esteem booster), and besides, I’m married.  But I would like to be healthy and prevent anything from occurring later on in life due to being overweight.

As I’m working out in the gym, and see all these big burly guys lifting all this weight, not to say that they are gay or anything, but it made me think of all the hard rock bodies that are in the male/gay community.  Does the female body play a big role in OUR community or is it more about the lady’s personality, confidence, drive, accomplishments, goals, etc?

2-Way Street

It took me a minute to let you all in on this best kept secret, but I just couldn’t hold onto it anymore. If any of you had the pleasure of attending Kanye West’s Glow In The Dark Tour this summer, then you all are hipped to this book.  If you didn’t, then you really need to check it out.  It’s definitely reader-friendly, meaning that for those that do not like to read, this book is great as it includes short passages or sentences that makes you think.  For example, there was one that said something like “Get used to feeling used, because if you don’t then you’re useless.” Not only was the show inspirational, but this book is something tangible that you could take home with you that offers that on-going inspiration.

Now, let’s dive into this title: Thank You And You’re Welcome. (sidebar-I’m glad the correct spelling of “you’re” was used correctly. I’m not surprised, but that is a pet peeve of mine when people use the wrong one-you’re/your.)  Okay, back to the topic.  This title speaks so much to me because I’m currently experiencing this now.  I believe Kanye explained it best on his recent appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres show saying that in every situation, one should be willing to give as well as accept.  Any given relationship or conversation should be a two-way street.  I know many of you have been involved in a romantic relationship with someone where you were the one that always give but never received something in return, or better yet, you work your butt off like a slave at your job, but don’t get any credit or appreciation for it.  If you ask or seek it, they’ll say your paycheck is your reward.  If that’s the case, you’ll notice more and more people will begin to do the bare minimum just to get that “bare minimum” check.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not about going out there with your hand out, but rather personal development and the creation of valuable relationships.  Perfect example, I recently reached out Mr. J. Sakiya Sandifer (co-author of Thank You And You’re Welcome), and told him how much I loved his book and was inspired to continue on my journey of personal development and continued growth of LeadTheWayOut.  He responded by saying “Wow…you inspired me to work harder.” Now THAT is a “Thank You And You’re Welcome” moment.  Another example is how I offer to give those who are featured on the site free advertising space as well.

I think some of us get so wrapped up into our own personal endeavors to the point where we become selfish.  I’ve seen so many people so eager to knock the next man (or woman) down in order for them to get ahead. I’ve also seen so many people attempting to get a free ride or get the support of others without offering their own support.  Remember, one way streets will only lead you in one direction, meaning that those who are traveling north will see your billboard. But what about those who are traveling south, east, or west?  Cover all directions. Be willing to give and share your knowledge, as well as being open and accepting of others and what they have to give.  Be open to learn, and be willing to share.

“I’m not focused on just taking; I’m focused on equally giving.”
~J. Sakiya Sandifer

Ying Yang

Stuff like this is why politics, religion, race, and cultural should not be brought up in conversation amongst strangers or those you are not too familiar with.  This election reminds me of the OJ trial 13 years ago. No one paid attention to the facts or evidence, it was about sticking with your own kind (black vs. white). It stunned me how the guy at the end who was supporting Senator Obama said that he was called “un-American”.  Since when being white means that you’re American and being black or supporing black people means you’re un-American? I mean, good Lord people, when is this world going to wake the hell up???? Did we not learn anything in history class?  There were people here in America when Christopher Columbus stepped foot on this land.  If you want me to be honest, we’re all American.  To me, I see America as a big ole stew pot.  We’re just all mixed up. This is a land that all foreigners migrated to so that they can lead better lives and be free.  I think we’re losing sight of that because some of us are still not free.

All in all, vote and support the person you think will do the best job and has the country (or company) in their best interest; and not because of their race, size, religion, and sexual orientation.  We have enough facts to make an well-informed decision.  Don’t be ignorant like those who discriminate against the LGBT community or anything other minority group.

Coming Out Week

The first National Coming Out Day was born on October 11, 1987, where half a million people gathered for the March On Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. Over the years, October 11th has been celebrated as a day of reflection and action. This year, Affirmations, a 501 (c) 3 nonprofit organization serving people of all sexual orientations and gender identities located in Ferndale, MI, has taken this concept and expanded it into a week of comprehensive programs and activities, reaching the diverse range of identities and experiences within the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and allied community.

On Monday, I chose to get out of the house,  and drive 30 minutes to the center to participate in one of the discussion groups that were scheduled for that evening. This is a big deal here because on Monday night, you would find me at home watching one of my reality shows on MTV or VH1.  I’m glad I went because I had the opportunity to meet some mature, educated, and enlightened individuals within the LGBT community.  The discussion group was facilitated by Curtis Lipscomb, Executive Director of Kick, who is a staple and well-known advocate of the African-American LGBT community in Michigan.

It was pretty ironic that the discussion was suppose to be about coming out, but everyone that attended were out and proud.  The group consisted of myself, a woman who was employed at the center and wanted to share her life experiences as a disabled lesbian, and a gentleman who is a MSW candidate, and held a position with the city. I was able to relate closely with his coming out experience.  He stated that when he came out to his parents, he had to throw in some positives before he exposed what some may consider a “negative”.  He had reiterate that he was pursuing higher education and held a reputable position before exposing his sexual orientation. I must admit that I had this same experience.  I remember that I had to tell my mom and sister that I was doing extremely well in school, I was in a committed relationship as oppose being with a different girl each day of the week, and I kept a job so that I could maintain my own car. It didn’t help as much as I thought it would, but it did give insight to what kind of person I really am and that my sexual orientation does not define me.

To this day, I’m still leading a respectable lifestyle.  I married the woman of my dreams, I’ll have my MBA in March, I’m an entrepreneur, I’ve been living quite well on my own, I’ve kept reliable transportation, I’m determined, ambitious, career and goal oriented, and I have a good heart.  With all of these accomplishments and qualities, people will still define me by the relationship I have with my wife.  I guess it is the nature of the beast.  Coming out is not about those you are coming out to, but it is about freeing yourself from your own fear.  Being able to walk down the street and be proud of who you were born and destined to be.  I’m proud to be LeadingTheWayOut.

When Will It End?

This just hurts my soul knowing that hatred like this still occurs in this day and age.

I’m sure there are hate crimes that occur everyday, especially towards those within the LGBT community, but this whole Black/White thing is just ridiculous and so 1900ish.  It’s like, okay, you may not like a particular race, but to try to blatently kill an innocent person is just taking it to an entirely new level.  Then, this fool gets out the car and goes on a verbal attack shouting racial slurs.  I say this all the time, but anyone that knows me know that I’m not a racist person. My longest relationship was with someone outside of my race. I try to treat everyone equally and judge a person by their character and not physical traits that they were born with. This has got to end. Will it ever?

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